Tuesday, May 29, 2018

A story about Callie

It was Memorial Day weekend of 2016.  The boys were still pretty young and because they are only 18 months apart, we were right in the thick of it with challenging ages.  Loyal and I had always talked about having a third baby and trying for a girl but I desperately needed some time without being pregnant or nursing before I could even fathom having another.  I got pregnant with Loyal in August of 2011 and nursed him into my pregnancy with Roman.  Once I
finished nursing Roman, I had been pregnant, nursing or both for about 3 and a half years straight.  I was definitely in need of a break to say the least.  The plan was to have a fun summer and re-evaluate the idea of having a third when fall came around.  The funny thing is, boys are just so darn wild that I don't think we would have ever felt like we were "ready" to add another baby into the chaos.

Memorial weekend has always been our summer kick off.  The weather finally warms up, the pool opens and the barbecues begin.  This Memorial Day was just like any other.  We went to the lake, had dinner with friends, drank margaritas, went to the pool and did all of the things to kick off our fun summer.  Leading up to this weekend, I had been working out like crazy and got in the best shape of my life but for some reason that weekend, I felt so bloated.  I remember looking back in all of the pictures that we took at the lake feeling so frustrated that my body wasn't representing the hard work that I had been putting in.  I came up with every excuse under the sun as to why that was and it never once crossed my mind that I could actually be pregnant.

On Memorial Day, we went to the pool with friends.  When I showed up to the pool, my self consciousness had begun to set in and I said to my best friend "Sorry that I look pregnant, not really sure what's going on here!"  We both laughed about it and moved on with the day but for some reason though, it was like pregnancy kept swirling around me.  Someone asked if we were going to have another, conversations flowed around me about babies and by the end of the day, I couldn't get it off my mind.  We stopped at Publix on our way to dinner so I could run in and get diapers.  I went ahead and grabbed a pregnancy test to take in the morning but after I checked out, I went straight to the bathroom.  At this point, I honestly thought there was no way that I was pregnant and I was just being paranoid but low and behold, sitting there in the Publix bathroom stall, I found out that I was in fact pregnant.

I WAS IN SHOCK.  I didn't know whether to start crying or casually pick up my purse and walk out of the store in the opposite direction of my car waiting for me with Loyal and the kids in it.  Kidding!  But seriously, I wanted to panic.  I just simply wasn't ready to do this again.  My body needed a break, I mentally need a break and the kids were a handful.  I honestly didn't know how I was going to do it.  I remember feeling self conscious about it in a way.  Showing up with 3 kids looking like we just left the circus was my future!  I went to the car, handed Loyal the test without saying a word and we drove pretty much in silence to the restaurant to have dinner with friends.  I don't know what the deal was with that particular dinner but it was an absolute nightmare.  Our server took so long with everything and but the end of the meal, we had completely lost control of all kids at the table.  We had reached our time limit with the kids and they were literally running circles around the place.  I sat there with a brand new little monster in my belly and all I could think while I sat there watching everyone else indulge in margaritas was

Well guys, my fear of having a legit 3 ring circus is exactly what I got!  These kids are wild.  I can't tell you how many times random people say to me "WOW! You've really got your hands full!"  A "handful" doesn't even come close to describing what it's like to have 3 under 5 and the irony in this story is that our kids acted like complete animals at the beach this past weekend and all Loyal and I could do about it was put our heads down and laugh.  Callie is a tiny little pint sized firecracker that keeps us on our toes like no other and while I thought that having a girl would calm the house down, we actually got the opposite!  But for some reason, it just feels so right.  Our life may be crazy but I never knew how absolutely perfect having 3 kids would be.      

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