Wednesday, January 7, 2015

To my sweet Maxer Bear

Something made me sit down and write this but as I begin, I can't find the words.  They say that you don't know true love until you have a child and sure, sitting in the hospital, we felt that love.  Twice! But what we didn't realize until now is that there was a reason why we felt that overwhelming burst of love in our hearts. We learned to love that much and we learned that through our pets. Over the past years we have been so blessed to love our 3 pups with every ounce of our being and more importantly, we have been loved back by them with such a deep and unconditional love. I don't think there is a love as unconditional as a pets love for their owners.

Max was our third pup and the baby of our family.  He was a rescue and he brought so much life to our family.  He was so goofy and silly. He truly loved us so much. You could just feel it. We have been so fortunate to have had an incredible 5 years with him and made such amazing memories that will forever be in our hearts. But we just can't help but feel that 5 years wasn't enough. We were not ready for this. He wasn't ready for this. It just wasn't his time.  This past Sunday was one that I will never ever forget. A day that started off so normal and ended in such a nightmare.  Everything just happened so fast. One second we were sitting on the bed talking and the very next second we were on the floor holding on to every last breath hoping it wasn't the last. Praying for a miracle as we rushed to the hospital only to learn that it was to late. Saying goodbye was the hardest thing I've ever done. I just wanted him to come home with us and go back to the way things were but instead we came home with broken hearts to a quiet and somber house.  How can a family of 4 people and 2 dogs feel so small? It's just not the same without him and I don't know if we will ever get used to this. We are so devastated and crushed. We are trying so hard to get through each day as we mourn but we can't ignore the emptiness that we feel right now.

My sweet Maxer Bear,
Where do I even start?  You were my baby. My first little boy. You opened my eyes to how much I would love having a boy one day. You were so special to me for so many reasons.  As soon as I came across your picture online, I knew you were the one. I will never forget the day that we met.  You put your paws on my shoulders and everyone smiled and laughed and said "he picked you!"  And so we left together. It was meant to be. There was no place you would rather be than with us. That's why I can't help but feel that this wasn't your time. I just want you back so bad. Just one more day. One more hour. One more hug. I would take anything right now. I keep walking by the spot that you would lay and you're not there.  It so quiet at night without you snoring.  To hear you flap your big ears just one more time.  I know you are still here with us but I also know that you are going on to bigger and better things.  You finally get to be the big boy that you always wanted to be!  I know that your time here with us was short lived but for whatever reason, you had a calling and I am trying to accept that.  I hope you find your way on the other side and I know that we will one day meet again.  Until then, you will always be in my heart.  We miss you and love you so so much.  Thank you for all of the memories Maxer Bear.
    I can't help but feel that this picture wasn't a coincidence.  I came across it on facebook the night that he passed and I know it was him letting me know that he's going to be ok.  I hear you Max.  We've gotten every one of your signs and they are mending our hearts just a tiny bit more each time. Keep them coming.

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